I must be an Atom Bomb, somekind of radioactive matieral, it seems that I am the destroyer of everything that is important around me. I pushed good friends away to where they hate me now. I ruined a beautiful relationship and I will never get a chance to redeem myself. I hold on to the wrong things for too long taking my real future away. No one else caused this hurt but myself
Why did I hold on to a false hope for a girl when I had one who gave me everything? Am I going to hold on to the one for so long that I will never be able to stay where I could be stable? If only there was a way to get back the stability I had, repair the trusts and relationships that I melted-down.

heh... I guess I just had my own twisted "slap-in-the-face" epiphany... I am the reason Nicole never wanted to hang out with me. I pushed her away. Now I am the one hurting because I wouldn't accept that when I should have and by holding on to this broken dream, hope, lie, I never put the time in to the one who really mattered.

It was my sad little fabrick of hope that I held that kept myself decieved from this truth. This hope I held I moved around too. And in doing so it led me to do things I shouldn't have. Now look at me. I am holding this hope towards the one that was there before, but I have turned it too late. I am reaping what I have sown.

Leigh I guess this is the letter I owed you. I am sorry for what I have done but I already know it won't win you back. I just wish that I could show you that I will grow up. that I can be trusted. that I can show that I will be better then the path that I have left behind me. I won't let it dictate my future. I wish I could have you at my side, not as a friend, but as what we once had. I shouldn't hold on to that hope for long as you have told me but only by having this pain can I grow as you want. Lets see if i bloom in to what you hope I can.


Lets hope I don't hurt my self further.